in spite of my personal disdain for the mcdonald’s chain of restaurants (and i use that terminology loosely), i have come to discover that it is sometimes a necessary evil for the world traveller. i have, in fact, been in more mcdonald’s in the past 6 weeks than i have in the previous six years (though i am quick to point out that we’ve only actually eaten there once). there are several reasons for this state of affairs. one: it is often the only thing open 24 hours a day. so when a bus dumps you off on khao san road at 5am, and there’s no place else to go, you can kill several hours in relative comfort for the price of a small beverage. two: it always has a bathroom – the importance of this factor cannot be overstated. you are assured access to a toilet (the cleanliness of which is highly varaible, and the western version is likely to have been abused by those in asia who don’t understand the seat is for *sitting* – still, a toilet nonetheless) for the same price of the aforementioned beverage. they *have* to let you use it. thirdly: it always serves coffee. something more difficult in countries where the bean makes a limited appearance, such as china. and finally: they always have a picture menu to point at. no matter how bad the communication difficulties, “point, pray and pay” is easier in mickey d’s than anywhere else.

i hate to admit it, but there’s a plus side to the globalisation phenomenon, and ronald mcdonald aptly illustrates just why he’s so successful world-wide.

i still think the clown’s a freak, though.

there are some experiences so surreal, that the full impact of the whole thing just quite defies description. for example, i cannot adequately convey to you what it is like to be on a jumbo sleeper bus which is completely decked out from stem to stern in neon purple and hot pink velour quilting and dust ruffles, in seats resembling plush dentist chairs, whilst being serenaded by horrifically schmaltzy thai pop at top volume. it’s like “finding nemo” meets a bad 70’s disco inside a giant lounge-mobile.

utterly bizarre.

there are some surprises that happen on the journey which make a day or experience unexpectedly wonderful – something little, something unplanned, something you could never have written into the script. fr example, this great little secluded beachside cafe we ran across that had wonderful cocktails at sunset, the best papaya salad i’ve had so far in thailand, (and i’ve had a lot), and ambiance galore. it was cheap, delicious, and utterly charming, and i wished we’d run acoss it days ago. the whole evening just left me with the kind of warm glow that you can’t orchestrate.

and there are some surprises that just turn a whole day crappy – where things could’ve taken a right turn, but instead went haywire leaving you confused and anxious and distressed. like when the travel agent didn’t show up on time at the pier so you end up being shunted onto a floating barge instead of the express passenger ferry you paid for, and there’s no recourse, of course, but the whole ridiculous thing makes you want to scream in frustration because you’re already hot and tired and am already long journey just got that much longer.

and then there’s the kind of unpleasant surprise that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and just riled up to the point of fury. like the unexpected encounter with the guy who took our 400 baht for a hotel booking which didn’t exist, and after swallowing that bitter pill, we were again confronted with him at the ferry – a shouting match ensued, several choice epithets were uttered… and then we still had to look at his mug all the way to the mainland.

sometimes you get the good, sometimes the bad, and sometimes the ugly. you just gotta learn to roll with the punches baby, because sometimes life gives you a bowl of cherries, and sometimes lemons – it’s all part of the territory. when you invite the unexpected, you open yourself up to the whole spectrum. i’ve never been great at it – but i’m getting better by the day.

we’ve spent the past two days on bophut beach, koh samui, trying to get in a little island relaxation before we head north. i was hoping for some quality beach time, as we’re in a little oceanfront bungalow, but the weather hasn’t been entirely co-operating and so far our stay has been somewhat damper than we would’ve liked. still, there is something undeniably magical about turquoise waters, sand between the toes and a salt tang in the air that does the trick every time. i’m fighting a losing battle witht he ants who want to take over the beach hut and the geckoes that follow, but it’s hard to complain when you’re lulled to sleep by the sound of lapping waves just a few metres from your pillow. and really, thee’s nothing in this world that sitting on a porch, drinking a cold beer and listening to some jack johnson can’t cure.

so even though the bikini hasn’t seen much daylight, we’re having fun exploring – renting a motorbike, touring the waterfalls, stopping off for afternoon pina coladas. i haven’t been on a bike in a few years, and while i know driving one is undeniably fun, i’d forgotten that there is something intensely sexy about being a passenger on the back of one. your thighs wrapped around a guy, your chest to his broad shoulders, arms encircling a lean waist, your lips at his neck. the adrenaline of possible danger combined with the excitement of holding tight to someone you love.

j used to own a fairly big bike back in south africa.

we may be looking to buy when we get back to london…

the past 24 hours have brought us trials of biblical proportions.

we thought we’d head a bit off the beaten path for a bit before heading for the beaches after bangkok, so we decided to hit khao yai national park for a day or two. to get there, we had to take a bus to pak chong, then take a songthaew to the park entrance, then once inside the park, hitch the last 14 km to the headquarters and visitor centre. riding along in the back of a pickup, we were greeted by gorgeous views and patted ourselves on the back for being so resourceful. our original idea was to hire a tent and do some camping, but upon learning that the campsite area was 10 km away, we decided to make do with the basic dorm accomodation available nearby. the dorm itself was more or less just an empty cabin with no amenities, but we were assured there was bedding for hire from a lady coming by later that afternoon. so having settled outr accomodation (and having left without brekky at 5am) we dropped our packs and decided to grab a bite of lunch before doing an efternoon hike.

and then the floods began.

as we ate, the skies clotted and opened up, letting loose an unremitting rain like i’ve never seen before. torrential sheets of water, cascading over everything with no letup. they don’t call it monsoon season for nothing. we had coffee. we played 7 games of yahtzee. we read. we played a long and involved game of knock-down-drag-out chess. and still no respite. we spent hours and hours waiting for a break, and none came.

then came the famine.

we became so involved in playing our game of chess that we didn’t notice how late it was actually getting. and we didn’t notice the canteen closing up shop at 6 pm. suddenly, we were shit out of luck, as they say. at 7 we started to ponder dinner options, only to discover there were none to be had. everything shut. our one midday meal and the packet of crisps we consumed during chess would have to sustain us for the next 12 hours. we were damp and bored and hungry and it was starting to get dark. however the rain was finally tapering off a bit, after 7 hours, so we could at least head back to the dorm.

then came the plague of locusts flying ants.

apparently heavy rains bring out the flying ants. millions of them. like something out of a hitchcock movie. they hung in the air like curtains, swarming towards any source of light, sputternig, flailing, falling, divebombing. they were in your face and hair. they crashed into walls and legs. they crunched underfoot. giant toads sat int the grass complacently feasting while hoards of monkeys were acrobating about snatching them in midair.

but flies draw lizards and frogs – which draw snakes. and this is cobra country – really. suddenly it was 7:30 and pitch black and the short path through the woods to our dorm was looking mighty dark. having no torch to guide us, and terrified of getting lost, we slowly, nervously and loudly followed the edge of the path all the way to safety by the light of the ipod.

finally arriving at the cabin, we discovered that our bedding situation could be described charitably as “spartan”, consisting of a straw beach mat, a small wool blanket, and a brick masquerading as a bolster pillow. we turned on the cabin lights only to have thousands of flying ants bombard the screens, invade the floorboard cracks, and wiggle through the corner gaps. we were under attack.

a plan of action was needed, so we killed the overhead lights and turned on the outdoor flourescents as a distraction. in macgyyver-like fashion, we strung up the mosquito netting with dental floss and plasters from the first aid kit. setting up the bedding and widening the net, we managed to establish a small “insect-free” zone. and there we hid for the rest of the night – the only light my tiny travel booklamp, the only sound the patter of wings against the tin roof.

it was a long 10 hours til dawn.

we awoke to arguing monkeys outside, feeling not unlike the survivors in a vampire movie who’ve made it to see another sunrise. but with more overcast skies, the prospect of spending another day and night trapped by rains and ants was more than we could bear, so we reluctantly headed back to the safety and smog of bangkok.

that’s me. the past few weeks have only served to confirm wha i already knew – I am meant for hot climates. i’m at my best tan, sweaty and barefoot and the heat energises me.

my attachment to the snow is purely sentimental.

just in case you haven’t looked recently, new pics in the photo gallery and updated “where we are now”.

here’s the pics of the new ink…

… for the tuk tuk driver who tried to rip us off by roping us into going to some shady warehouse “just to look”, forcing us to jump out of the vehicle and spend an hour walking back to where we were before.

evil son of a bitch better hope we never cross paths again, because i will not be held responsible for my actions!

to mum. i miss you lots and love you even more. thinking of you today…

jen

as we drove into bangkok yesterday evening, there was a distinctly noticable warm glow over the city which i attributed to the setting sun dropping down the horizon. but in truth, bangkok needs no sunset – it emanates a golden haze all its own – a gentle shabby elegance that shimmers. somehow the usual din and dirt and bustle combine with the reflection of glistening wats, the buzz of the heady neon flowers, the curling grace of the writing and architecture, to give off a strange kind of comfort. shrine incense and roasting bananas perfume the street air, and the puttering tuk tuks and sizzling woks provide the soundtrack. in whiling away a day lazily shopping and snacking, or drifting into night at a candlelight sidewalk bar with talk of beer and beaches, it’s easy to see how people can lose themselves here. it’s slow and sweaty, a sultry seduction.

it’s easy to understand because i lost myself recently – forgetting the days and the dates, and i am thoroughly ashamed to admit … i forgot j’s birthday. for two whole days. those who know me well, and know the importance i place on birthdays will find that hard to believe, but it’s true. i could defend myself by saying it was the day after our 30 hour train trip, and j had been ill, etc., but the plain fact is that there is no justification for such a grievous sin. i feel like the world’s biggest jerk, and probably will for a long time. but today, j finally got his b-day present: a big old tribal tattoo that he’s been wanting for a while. and i joined him to commemorate the trip – an elephant on the inside of my wrist. elephants never forget.